Naiinis ako pag may pumoporma sa mahal ko. Grabe. Abno na ba to, o normal na reaksyon? Haha.

Oh well, haha. Nonsense post.

“It takes a loss before you found it.” -Life is Wonderful, Jason Mraz

Siguro hinahanap niya yung pagtetext ko. School is giving me much problem. Naisip ko nalang isang araw na, siguro nalulungkot siya dahil hindi ako nagtetext. Dapat pala, sa kabila nito, e nag-stick pa rin sana ako sa pakikipagusap sa kanya, sa kahit anong paraan na kaya ko. At sa text na importante, because that’s one of the things that bridges the gap of physical separation naming dalawa. Hiwalay man pisikal, konektado pa rin sa puso.

Pero siguro mabuti na rin ang naidulot nito, kasi nakita ko na hindi lang ako bale wala sa kanya.  Siguro yung salawikain na maiisip mo ang kahalagahan ng isang bagay sa buhay mo sa oras na ito ay mawala sa iyo.

Baka isipin niyang hindi totoo yung sinabi kong mahal ko sya, na hindi ako mawawala, na hinintayin ko siya.

Siguro yung part na hindi ako mawawala ay hindi na totoo, kung pagbabatayan sa “presence” dahil parang nawala ako sa loob ng ilang sandali. Pero kung pagbabatayan sa “isip at puso” eh hindi ako nawala. Dahil hindi siya nawala sa isip at puso ko.

Nagtatalo sa isip ko, limang buwan na lang, at matatapos na rin ang kabanatang tinatawag na “college” sa buhay ko. Pagkatapos noon siguro ay makapagsisimula ako ulit nang bago, nang maayos, nang walang problema; at higit sa lahat, (siguro?) na kasama sya.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipaparating sa kanya na SANA ay huwag siyang mawala. Minsan gusto ko nang maging makasarili at sabihin sa kanyang:

“Dyan ka lang ha. Wag kang mawawala. Babalik ako.”

Ngayon ko lang naranasan ang magtanim ng napakalaking pag-asa sa pag-ibig. Siguro, naging “close to reality” na ang inisip ko na, baka umabot pa ng isang taon higit bago ko masigurado sa kanya kung willing ba siyang mag-take ng chance sa pag-ibig na ang kasama ay… ako.

Nalungkot ako sa mga mga pinarating nyang mensahe sa akin noon. Pero nakikita ko naman ang mali ko, hindi ako nagsabi na iintindihin ko muna ang mga gusot at mga problema sa school na ang tawag ay… thesis.

Pero ayun at ayan, hanggang sa natagpuan ko na ang sarili ko na parang hinahayaan ko nang mapaglipasan ng panahon ang pag-asa na matagal kong itinago sa damdamin at isipan. Nagising ako. Naisip ko tuloy: ang pagkakataon ay minsan lang dumating sa buhay. May mga ibang pagkakataon na kahit minsan ay pinalagpas, kalaunan ay bumabalik rin. Pero may mga pagkakataon rin naman na kapag pinalagpas ay..sorry na lang.

Ang nakapagpabagabag tuloy ng isip ko ay, paano kung mapunta sa pangalawang choice ang lahat ng ito? Hindi ko naman sigurong pwedeng gawin na magmakaawa at sabihing bumalik sya sa buhay ko.

Nakikita ko ang sarili ko 5 years from now:

Kaibigan: “pare, 25 ka na, may girlfriend ka na?”

Ako: “wala pa. pero may hinihintay ako. Nagaaral pa kasi siya e.”

Madalas kong isipin na if I would stop this, meron namang ilang taon pa na pwede ko siyang hintayin, at siguro sa oras na yon ay naabot na nya ang pangarap na gusto nya sa buhay. Syempre, kung hindi pa taken ang puso nya sa mga panahon na iyon, I would pursue her.

Sana sa panahon na to na medyo nawalan kami ng komunikasyon, sana maisip niya kung sigurado ba talaga siya sa akin. Dahil yun lang naman talaga ang hiling ko noon pa man. Kung magdedesisyon siya, gusto ko yung sigurado. At kung hindi man, I will come again, some time later.

Naalala ko tuloy yung nagkakwentuhan kami ng isa kong kuya sa church. Sinabi ko sa kanya, paraphrasing:

“Matagal pa siguro bago maging “for keeps” kaming dalawa. Kasi may mga pangarap pa siya na ewan ko kung dapat o gusto nya talagang abutin. Siguro when the time comes na ok na ang lahat, dun pa lang magiging “for keeps” kami.”

Sagot ng kuya ko sa church na to, paraphrasing:

“Matagal yun a. Pero dapat kahit ngayon pa lang, pinaplano mo na ang buhay mo. Marami pang pwedeng mangyari sa iyo. Kung siya talaga gugustuhin mo, iplano mo na ang buhay mo kasi, hahayaan mo bang lumagpas ka na ng 35 at hindi ka pa rin lumalagay sa tahimik?”

I may be planning big and ambitious enough, pero if I would plan my life, I’d be happy to have her in it.

I really hope na hindi ko pa rin siya ma-lose…

Stop stressing me! I can’t take this anymore.

Oh well, summer 2010 is the fulfillment of our old desktop’s cry. I’m an IT student and what I need for a PC are performance, efficiency, speed, and some entertainment. (Big grin ) What came last April 2 was the answer to my prayer. Lo, and behold, the Asus N61JQ

Lo, and behold, the Asus N61JQ

I’m currently typing this post on a Middle East version of the model, Asus N61JQ-JX007V. A quick run down of the specs:

• Intel Core i7-720QM 1.60GHz with Turbo Boost Technology up to 2.80GHz
• ATI Mobility Radeon 5730 1GB DDR3 Graphics w/ ATI Stream Technology
• 4GB DDR3-1333 RAM (ASUS says 1066 on the specs page but I’m lucky I got the 1333)
• 500GB 7200RPM HDD
• Windows 7 Home Premium 64-Bit
• 16″ LED LCD Display
• USB 3.0 High speed data transmission; 10X faster than USB 2.0
• Multi-touch trackpad

I was wowed the first time I popped this thing on. The performance is great. No more hang ups. No hiccups. Just perfect. The i7 processor has 4 cores and supports Hyper Threading – adding additional 4 virtual threads, for a total of 8 working threads. That’s a lot of horse power for very heavy computing. Plus, ATI Mobility Radeon 5730 supports ATI Stream, which adds extra computing power for tasks such as video and music encoding, and content creation. Windows 7 Home Premium empowers the entertainment needs of anyone, anytime. You won’t be asking  for more.

This laptop belongs to Asus N Series – Asus’ laptop line of nicely configured entertainment laptop. This time is free time. No school works and stuff. I’m enjoying the summer with Need For Speed Shift. The graphics is superb. Sims 3 you’re next!

Hawak naming mga kabataan ang malakas na voting power sa May 10. Ngunit nakakalungkot isipin na karamihan sa amin – opo, karamihan sa mga kabataang aking nakakausap at naririnig, ay pipili ng kandidato ayon sa mga adverts sa telebisyon at print, popularidad, at lalu na – sa nakakabit na pangalan. Simple lang naman ang hinihingi ng ating inang bayan sa panahong ito: ang matigil na ang korapsyon, magkaroon ng progresibong pag-unlad, at maibalik ang kapayapaan sa ating sinilangang lupa.

Wala akong intensyon na magparinig o kung ano man, ngunit eto po ang katotohanan. Dahil ba masyado nang timid ang mga kabataang botante sa pagkilatis, pagsuri, at pagtingin sa kapasidad at sa mga nagawa, e magbabase na lamang sa winnability, surverys, sabi-sabi, at higit sa lahat – uso. Trend. Nakakapanghinayang. Nakasalalay sa atin ang mga susunod na uupo sa kapangyarihan.

Uulitin ko, wala akong intensyong magparinig, ngunit eto po ang katotohanan. Malaking kontribusyon nga naman ang pangalan sa pagkumbinse na iboto ang kanilang pangalan sa balota. Ngunit pansin nyo, tanungin nyo sila kung bakit siya ang iboboto. Eto ang siguradong mga sagot. Opo, eto:

• kasi anak sya nina
• kasi baka ipagpapatuloy nya ang mga nagawa na nung kanyang
• kasi naranasan na nya ang buhay ng ordinaryong pinoy
• kasi sa balita, malaki ang percent nya sa survey. sayang naman ang boto. iboboto ko nalang yung malaki ang lamang sa survey.

Diba’t sayang kung dito lang tayo magbabase. Pero tanungin natin sila kung ano na ba nagawa ng tao na yon sa lipunan. Wala pa pong sumagot sa tanong ko na ito. Nakapagtataka. Desidido silang iboto ang kandidato WITHOUT knowing kung ano ba ang kapasidad nila. Hindi ba’t dapat mas tinitingnan ang kapasidad, ang mga nagawa, kaysa sa pangalan? Sorry po, ngunit eto talaga na wala pang sumagot sa akin sa tanong ko na ano na ba ang nagawa sa bayan. Nagawa nang kilala ng sambayanang Pilipino, oo. Ngunit yung mismong tao na tumatakbo, ano na ba ang nagawa? Wala pang sumagot sakin.

Natutuwa naman ako sa mga iba na sa prinsipyo talaga tumitingin. Iboboto nila ang kandidato hindi base sa pangalan o popularidad, kundi sa mga nagawa at sa kapasidad. Tanungin ko sila at eto ang mga sagot nila:

• kasi naayos nya ang lugar na to
• kasi matalino talaga sya at may nagawa naman sya kahit papano

Please lang, tingnan natin HINDI ang pangalan, popularidad, at respeto na na-establish na ng mga nauna. Respect counts, but what count most are capability, principle, and integrity.

I hope all the plans that you planned for this year came to a success. One and zero is coming in few days, gotta be prepared.

Let’s have a happy Christmas and a joyful new year! Happy birthday Jesus!

Making a long term wishlist in time with this season isn’t bad, right? It’s only a list so why bother?

Anyway, here’s my list, sorted by importance:

• a non-defective laptop (screw HP)
• music player (preferably iPod) (*maybe I’ll stick with my PSP)
• new desktop pc hardware (planning to custom-build one, eh?)
• a pair of nice earbuds
• electric guitar
• guitar multieffects board (Boss GT-10 is the one)
• DSLR camera (an entry-level one will be enough)
• mobile phone (preferably smartphone, or Sony Ericsson for a change)
• decent printer (can print HQ photos)

I swear, I’ll get all of these once I get a high-earning job that is more than enough for my family and for myself.

If you need my help, bribe me with one of the items in the list, especially the items on top, and you’ll surely get a response.

Just kidding. (heh)

To reap the aspiring light of hope and success that is ahead of them, self-confidence and courage should reign in their heart and mind. In accomplishing any effort, nobody claims they can make it alone.

The researchers wish to convey their grateful and sincere appreciation to the following person who have contributed their time and effort to the completion of this proposal.

First and foremost, the researchers are indebted to the Almighty God who gave them the courage, determination, enthusiasm and inner strength which enabled them to overcome all the difficulties during the challenging period of the proposal.

To their parents who supported them both morally and financially; for their unending love and support which keeps them going;

To Adamson University for the researchers scholarship;

To Professor Jayraldine M. Radam for her valuable guidance, encouragement, constructive criticism and patience in the preparation and completion of this proposal;

To their other Professors for giving the researchers high grades;

To their Shreks for the inspiration, support and love;

To I.T. Block 201 who stayed with them through thick and thin for their helpful advice. Ideas, jokes and patience which made this proposal meaningful;

To all of their friends who cheered them up;

To Paotsin for sponsoring foods and unlimited ice tea for the researchers;

To the computer shop by the walkway for the computer rental and printing;

To all other who had not been mentioned but contributed and helped to the completion of this proposal; to all of them, with deep respect and admiration, this proposal is lovingly dedicated.

“Vin.Kel.Shrek.J-Em”

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. That’s why I always find a reason to thank the Lord – even for small things. God proves me everyday that no matter what situation I am in to, His hands and His all-hearing ears are there for help. Despite my shortcomings, I know that His grace abounds and He is faithful and just to forgive me for all my iniquities. If not for God’s goodness and grace, I don’t know where I would be today. I’m thankful for the state that I am in right now because through serving God using my talents, I grow deep in faith.

This proves that I am surrounded by the favor of the Lord; first and foremost – my family. If they don’t know God, probably I, myself, would not be like what I am today. My parents, especially, inculcated to my being that the Lord is God and I live to worship Him. If I didn’t experience this, surely I would be a sheep astray.

My family has endured many hardships and trials – from personal differences to financial problems. But that made us strong and closely-tied. Though we don’t always see our dad because he’s working abroad, we know in our hearts that we are strongly bonded together as a family. As far as I can remember, we never had a serious fight – never, just the little “tampuhan”.

I always thank God for His favor to me in my studies. During my high school days, I never made it to the honor list although I really wanted to. But now in college, though I didn’t intend to try my best to top in the list, I’m grateful because I ranked fourth among the 2008 batch of IT students. This is a big leap of achievement for me because I’m talking big about this: everything isn’t easy in college, and managing to top the list is a nice accomplishment for a student. But even I’m currently in this position, I still experience the typical “estudyante blues”: unwanted late-nesses, failed quizzes and exams, unpassed assignments, rushed projects, review crams, kamote-professors, and so on. One time, I wasn’t able to take a prelim exam on time in one of my subjects because I was late; my grade got affected for that. But nevertheless, these make my estudyante life fun – seriously.

Friends color my wonderful life. I don’t know where I would pour my thoughts out as a teenager without them. To have friends are one of the greatest experiences in life. Having them is, I should say, a “blessing-in-disguise”. They understand and understand and understand, for friendship is about understanding your pals. I witnessed my life transform with them at my side: from the kiddo talks to nonsense chats to friendly advises. Though I experienced petty fights with them, their importance to me doesn’t change. It’s nice to think about the fact that there are people who value me as their dear friend. As for me, I value my friendship with them by nurturing our relationship. In that way, we’ll be always connected – even when apart.

Ministry is service, as Jesus also demonstrated service by washing His disciples’ feet. We are called to serve the Lord and to serve others. God’s calling to me in the ministry is such a wonderful experience. I mature as a person, I go deeper as a Christian, and I explore my talents to greater heights. Mature thinkers surround and influence me. Teachings I learn each moment is a building block for my deepening devotion to God. Talented people come, help, and teach: a generous help for a servant heart ready for God’s work. I realize I’m so blessed through the ministry, and leaving will never be a part of my plans because ultimately, God is the one who lays the plan for my life. It’s up for me to follow.

Got the point?

It was my first day of school this second semester, November 4,  when things got a round of bad impressions on me.

But not really.

I arrived at the train station 7:30 AM, 30 minutes ahead my first class, which is scheduled 8 AM Monday till Friday. Coincidentally, the train was having some technical problems that caused nuisance for the personnels and passengers.

8 AM. Some passengers went nuts as the 30 minutes of delay drove them angry. But unusually, I wasn’t one of them. The acceptance of the fact that I would be late for my first class wasn’t hard on my feelings.

At some 8:20 AM, the trains went back on line again. We got aboard the train, and to cut this short, I was able to arrive at my destination 1 hour late.

Nice.

On the way, I got this news that my 8 AM class that day was a spoil. The room was locked and they decided to meet on Friday.

Do things went harmoniously despite the fact that it didn’t seem like one? Yes. My arsenal was not anger, nor annoyance but rather acceptance – acceptance of the fact that I would be late on my first class.

Acceptance will make your life cool.

Are you cool?